What It’s Like to Mother a Child Who’s No Longer Here

Some things don’t really get easier—you just figure out how to live with them.

That’s what mothering after loss feels like. It’s not something I talk about every day, but it’s always there. Quiet. Heavy. Soft around the edges some days, sharp on others.

I’m a mom of five. And yes, only four are physically here with me—but Logan is still mine. He’s still part of every single day, even if it looks different now.

I’m not doing the everyday “mom things” with him anymore… but I’m still mothering him.  
I mother him when I talk about him.  
When I hold his memory bear.  
When something reminds me of him and I pause—just for a second—and smile. Or cry.

Grief doesn’t have a schedule. It shows up when it wants. Sometimes it’s in the middle of the day while I’m trying to be productive. Sometimes it’s late at night when I’m laying in bed and my mind starts racing. Sometimes I’m totally fine—until I’m not.

And honestly… that’s just part of it.

But what I’ve learned is this:  
The love doesn’t go anywhere.  
Just because I can’t hold him doesn’t mean I’m not still his mama. I always will be.

If you’re in this space too—trying to navigate life after losing a child—just know you’re not alone.  
You’re still their mom.  
You’re still showing up.  
And that love? It’s still doing holy, quiet work. Even on the days when it hurts.

Nichelle