Healing While Mothering: When You Don’t Get Time to Fall Apart

There are days I want to fall apart.

Not just quietly. I mean really fall. Loudly. Fully. With tears that don’t stop and questions that don’t have answers.

But instead, I keep going.

Changing diapers, breaking up fights, checking emails, and wondering when I’ll get five minutes to breathe.

I’ve learned that grief and healing don’t wait until the perfect moment.

They show up in the middle of motherhood.

In the middle of laundry.

In the middle of a meltdown.

Sometimes mine, sometimes theirs.

And I don’t always get to pause.

So how do you heal when you don’t get time to fall apart?

You start small.

You find healing in pockets. In minutes. In whispers.

A prayer whispered in the car before pickup.

A journal open while the baby naps.

A deep breath on the bathroom floor while you try to gather yourself.

It’s not glamorous.

It doesn’t look like a Pinterest morning routine or a spa day.

It looks like crying in the shower and then getting dressed anyway.

It looks like taking care of you while you take care of them.

Mothering while grieving is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

Because it’s not just grief.

It’s stillness. It’s survival. It’s guilt. It’s anger. It’s love. It’s joy. All in one moment.

And yet, I’m learning that I can hold all of it.

That healing and motherhood don’t have to compete.

That I can mother me too.

Here’s what’s helping me lately

Journaling even when I don’t feel like I have the words

Letting people in, even if just one safe person

Not rushing the process. Some days are for grieving. Some days are for blooming

Creating small rhythms of care for myself

Talking to God about everything, even when I feel far away

If you’re in this place too, I see you.

And I just want you to know it’s okay to not be okay and still be a good mom.

You’re allowed to fall apart and rebuild, slowly.

One honest moment at a time.

With Love,

Nichelle